As a company that specializes in communication coaching, we have a big responsibility to give important feedback to people who are often in vulnerable positions (one of the things we do is presentation coaching after all). It’s always been our intention to give this feedback in a way that’s empowering while providing practical ways to improve.
We’ve been asked many times by our clients, how is it that you can give this feedback and keep the recipient feeling whole? How is it that you can have these tough and uncomfortable conversations and they end up thanking you?
So, here’s the deal – we follow a specific set of rules and if we don’t deviate from them, it ends up being a positive interaction.
If you’re a team leader, manager, or head honcho, it’s guaranteed that you’ll be required to give some feedback to an employee at some point, and it might not be easy. If you follow these suggestions, it’ll go a lot smoother with better results.
Here are 7 quick, actionable items to remember the next time you give constructive feedback.
Don’t try to fix everything as that will only lead to a sense of overwhelm and insecurity. Focus on one thing that can be improved in each interaction.
Hearing the feedback is one thing, understanding why it’s important is another (1). Make sure you let them know why it’s important to improve. Explain in detail what the cost is if they do nothing.
If you’ve ever been on the other end of receiving feedback, you’ve probably been fed this approach (no pun intended). The sandwich strategy is when you begin the feedback with a compliment, throw some feedback in the middle and end with a compliment.
While this strategy sounds great in theory and it might soften the impact, all it does is sugar coat what you’re actually trying to say. It also may cause anxiety and confusion for the other person at the beginning of your interaction (2). Instead, be direct and honest. It will serve you far better than beating around the bush.
More often than not people will have heard the feedback before, or some variation of it. So, check-in with them by asking if this feedback comes as a surprise. Let them talk about what they’ve heard and share their feelings. This will broaden their view and help them realize that this isn’t a “you vs. them” situation. Ultimately, the conversation should be a two-way street (3).
Be conscious of your tone when speaking with them. Start with the intention of supporting someone to be a better version of themselves rather than promoting your own agenda and showing how smart you are.
You don’t have to say the words “my intention is to support you in becoming a better version of yourself” (in fact don’t, it’s kinda gross). You can simply put your tone and words through the empathy filter in your head prior to the meeting.
If you are coming from that place, it will come through in your communication. Because empathy is key here (4). Be respectful and don’t just cut them off at the knees. You want them to leave the meeting standing taller than when they walked in.
Language is very powerful and words matter so be responsible with the ones you choose. If you need to, practice giving your feedback out loud prior to the meeting.
Figure out how it sounds so you can anticipate the person’s reaction and see how you will respond in a positive way.
Be careful to balance saying what needs to be said without crossing a line. Being in a position to provide leadership and guidance is a privilege and needs to be treated as such. Remember, you can’t take back what you’ve said after you’ve said it.
Along with your feedback make sure you provide them with specific strategies, tools, or tasks so they understand how they can change the behavior and improve (5).
There you have it, 7 powerful rules you should follow when giving feedback to anyone. Whether you’re a leader or looking to give feedback to a coworker, these strategies will help you achieve the best possible outcome.
Remember, the last thing you want to do when giving feedback is take the wind out of someone’s sails. Both parties should always leave a feedback-focused interaction feeling good, and the receiver should feel more confident, empowered, and with tangible action items to improve.
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