The Proven 6 Step Process for Coming to an Agreement

agreements communication coaching communication skills listening skills relationship building teamwork Mar 11, 2021

Last week, there was a theme in my conversations and workshops with various clients. That theme was in the arena of agreements, or more accurately, the lack of them.

Whether you’re feeling frustrated due to last-minute requests from co-workers, suppliers not meeting expectations, or clients who don’t follow through on their commitments, the issues can frequently be resolved by setting up agreements and managing them well.

Here’s a 6-step framework to follow so more of your expectations are met on a regular basis. As an exciting side note, these steps will work just as well in your personal life as they do in business situations.

1. Set clear expectations

The starting point is for you to be clear about what your expectations are. For the most part, we operate with misspoken or unspoken expectations and then we wonder why we don’t get what we want.

What are your conditions of satisfaction? What has to happen for you to feel your expectations have been met?

Instead of making assumptions that others know what the agreement is, it’s better to ere on the side of being overly obvious. Others don’t know what you want or what you expect. They can’t read your mind. Unless it’s been stated and agreed to, it’s open to misinterpretation, leaving you feeling frustrated.

2. Give a reason behind the agreement

This step is where you make clear the reason behind the need for and importance of the agreement. For example, with a supplier, a condition of the agreement may be that activities happen within a specific timeframe.

When the timing is missed, the agreement is broken, and it impacts the result. What’s the impact of missed deadlines? It could look something like this:

If you don’t deliver on time with zero defaults, our reputation will be damaged, and our customers will go elsewhere for this service.

That answer is the “why” of the agreement.

3. Specify the agreement

This is where a promise is made. For example:

I agree to the conditions you have outlined. I will meet these expectations.

At this point, there may be some negotiation. You might state your expectations and the person you’re communicating with may not agree with them. You might expect them to do more than they are willing or capable of doing.

So, they could respond by saying it’s not possible to meet some or all of your conditions. This is the place for dialog and negotiation. That is, if your conditions are negotiable.

4. Manage the agreement

There are two options here. It’s either:

We agreed to these conditions and you didn’t meet them; or
We agreed to these conditions and you surpassed them

With clearly defined agreements, it’s no longer subjective or one-sided. It’s something that two or more people have come together and said they were going to do.

This part of the process makes sure that everyone is on the same page. So, when anything goes off track, you can have the conversation that this was the agreement (the what) and this is the importance or reasoning behind the agreement (the why).

5. Re-promise if necessary

I take the position that everyone is allowed one mistake and they can be given an opportunity to re-promise to meet the conditions clearly stated in Step 1. However, if the promises are hollow and expectations continue to be missed, a different conversation is needed.

That conversation might look something like this:

At this point, your promise doesn’t mean anything
I don’t trust that when you make a promise you will keep it
It’s your job to correct that impression
What are you going to do to regain trust?

You have to be willing to have that type of straight and to-the-point conversation while still keeping the content within the framework of clear agreements.

6. Implement consequences

At this time, when someone breaks an agreement, you have the option to exercise consequences. As I said, I operate from the basis that someone is allowed to make a mistake once with no consequence.

The straight conversation still occurs but there aren’t consequences, other than a direct conversation. It might go something like this:

This is what was promised
The reason this agreement is important
The agreement wasn’t met
Therefore, we need to re-promise
If that promise is broken again, here are the consequences
Do you need any support to be successful in keeping your agreements?

You’ll design whatever the appropriate consequences are for the agreement, and some will be more severe than others.

For example, you might decide that if certain things aren’t done, a bonus won’t be earned. Or if someone continues to do what they’re doing, they will be fired.

While these might sound like severe consequences, it’s all about choosing the consequences that match the conditions and the agreement. The more important the agreement, the more severe the consequences.

Following this process will eliminate many of the stresses and frustrations when things don’t get done when and how we want them to. It all operates within the framework of the original agreement and the conditions that are clearly stated.

To test this approach, I recommend choosing a challenging situation you’re facing and explore whether the underlying difficulty is because of how the agreement has been communicated and managed. Apply this framework to the situation and let me know how it goes over on Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn.

If you’re looking for extra support with delegation or coming to verbal agreements with others, check out our Encore Communication Coaching Workshop. Encore equips you with the tools and knowledge to connect with anyone, ask for things more powerfully, and transform you into a more confident communicator.

Visit our website or send us an email at [email protected] to learn more about our communication coaching services.